I Am Number Four

I fought the law and the law...wow, really?

Grade: D +

Director: D.J. Caruso

Starring: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, and Callan McAuliffe

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Running Time: 1 hr 50 min

Adapted from a young adult sci-fi novel that was published just over six months ago (no, seriously), I Am Number Four stars Alex Pettyfer as the fourth of nine aliens marooned on Earth who are being hunted by a marauding species bent on universal domination. Or, that’s the most I could surmise from this contrived, silly mess.

Disguised as a high schooler, Number Four takes a shine to a plucky photog named Sarah (Dianna Agron), at least until a hotter blonde with cooler superpowers and tighter pants (Teresa Palmer) shows up for the CGI-filled finale.

Helmed by D.J. Caruso (Eagle Eye; Disturbia), nothing that’s said or spoken here makes the least bit of sense – e.g., in the midst of running from the police and murderous, campy space invaders, Number Four and Sarah take a detour to the school’s darkroom to develop some pics. It’s as if the Glee kids starred in a remake of Twilight directed by Ed Wood.

Neil Morris