Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle

Tropic Blunder

Grade: C +

Director: Jake Kasdan

Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Karen Gillan, Nick Jonas, Bobby Cannavale, Alex Wolff, Madison Iseman, Ser'Darius Blain, and Morgan Turner

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Running Time: 1 hr. 59 min.

It’s probably giving the makers of Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle too much credit to note that a film whose premise revolves around kids magically occupying adult bodies includes a brief appearance by the son of Tom Hanks, the star of Big almost thirty years ago. That said, this sequel—undoubtedly named after the Guns N’ Roses song once the producers obtained the rights to play it over the closing credits—is a lot like Colin Hanks: a capable progeny that nonetheless pales in comparison to its popular predecessor.

The Jumanji board game in the 1995 film, which starred Robin Williams, is replaced with an Atari-esque video cartridge, exhumed by a quartet of high schooler archetypes doing detention: Spencer (Alex Wolff) is the nerd, “Fridge” (Ser'Darius Blain) is the burly jock and Spencer’s sometimes pal; Bethany (Madison Iseman) is the pretty, solipsistic It girl who is emotionally attached is nothing except her cell phone; and Martha (Morgan Turner) is the brainy bookworm.

Unlike the 1995 original, where the game’s contents were unleashed into the real world, here the teens are teleported into the Jumanji video game, where each is assigned an avatar. Spencer is a strong, speedy explorer name Dr. Smolder Bravestone, played by Dwayne Johnson. “Fridge” is reduced to Bravestone’s diminutive sidekick (Kevin Hart), with a penchant for zoology and a weakness for cake. Martha becomes a comely commando (Karen Gillan), while Bethany becomes Professor Sheldon Oberon (Jack Black), a portly cartographer and, well, man.

Most of the chuckles come compliments of the age, gender, and persona-swapping gags. Johnson is convincing as a young nebbish suddenly coping with the body of a muscle-bound hero, while Jack Black exudes the superficial silliness of a self-absorbed teen girl. Hart is hilarious as the BMOG suddenly cut down to size. Even Nick Jonas pops up as another kid caught in the game to demonstrate that, indeed, Nick Jonas can carry a role.

Still, the premise and set pieces are uninspired and instantly forgettable. Any sticky situation is quickly resolved, and any sense of danger is minimized by the multiple lives each player possesses, a la a video game. Moreover, the film needlessly sacrifices its PG-rating for the sake of stray profanities and sexual allusions scattered throughout, particularly revolving around Bethany’s male anatomical self-discovery. Whatever marginal comedic value these off-color moments hold don’t befit the wide target audience for a holiday season release.

The camaraderie between the characters and cast carries the film. Otherwise, while the original Jumanji sprang on a fictitious board game, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is more of a bored game.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Is this the button I push for a Coke?

Grade: B –

Director: James Gunn

Starring: Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper, Michael Rooker, Karen Gillan, Pom Klementieff, Elizabeth Debicki, Sylvester Stallone and Kurt Russell

MPAA Rating: PG-13

Running Time: 2 hr. 16 min.

Whereas Guardians of the Galaxy carries the spirit of a Saturday afternoon serial, Vol. 2 is Greek mythology set to celluloid. Gods mate with mortals, celestial tribes wage war, daddy issues envelope demigods, and family squabbles tilt the balance of power. All of it’s set to the strained strains of 1980s pop nostalgia and 1970s minor rock, the latter part dubbed onto an audiocassette labeled “Awesome Mix Vol. 2.” The film, like any second mixtape, is a hit-and-miss compilation lacking the choice cuts and cohesion of its forerunner.

Gamora (Zoe Saldana) and her cyborg sister Nebula (Karen Gillan) remain locked in a pitched sibling rivalry. Drax (Dave Bautista) manically clings to his new surrogate family. Rocket (voiced by Bradley Cooper), the genetically altered racoon, finds a kindred spirit in fellow tortured soul Yondu Udonta (Michael Rooker), all while playing dad to Baby Groot (voiced by Vin Diesel), this film’s answer to the worry that the only thing missing from the first Guardians of the Galaxy was a Minion.

Then there’s Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), whose swashbuckling for hire as part of the Guardians quintet—plus Rocket’s coincident thievery—run afoul of a perfected, prickly, gold-plated race called the Sovereign and their lithe leader, Ayesha (Elizabeth Debicki). The Guardians’ escape intersects Ego (Kurt Russell), an ancient god-like being who travels the universe masquerading as a human but subsists in planetary form. He also claims to be Quill’s father, a role Russell channels like the celestial embodiment of Stuntman Mike from Death Proof.

And on its goes, as everything is at stake even as nothing really seems to be.  No matter how dire the situation, there’s always a Cheers, Mary Poppins, or one of a half-dozen David Hasselhoff references ready to lighten the mood. There’s no problem that a slo-mo montage and needle drop of Electric Light Orchestra, Cat Stevens, or George Harrison can’t solve. A deity smitten by the lyrics to “Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl)” also wants to destroy the universe? Uh OK.

A lost sense of discovery was always going to hamstring Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 when compared to its predecessor. The main characters aren’t new, and the new characters—like Ego’s empathic girl Friday, Mantis (Pom Klementieff), and Sylvester Stallone’s blink-and-miss appearance as Ravager leader Stakar Ogord—aren’t well-developed. Moreover, the sweet silliness of the original is replaced by pliable angst and an orgy of CGI. Director James Gunn says he drew inspiration from The Empire Strikes Back. The actual product is more in line with such saggy Marvel sequels as Avenger: Age of Ultron, Thor: The Dark World and Iron Man 2. The first Guardians of the Galaxy was a breezy, easy ride. This time, the journey feels familiar but the flop sweat is flowing.